Like quicksand, the more you struggle, the deeper you sink. That's how my life feels like right now.
When things start going well in your ranch, you find yourself against a wall you can't pass.You try and try but you just need help to find your way through. It might be as small as a word or a helping hand but the truth is without it you are not going anywhere.
You left those few friends you had and the people you cared about back home. While you met some new people here and you try to make things work, for some reason they just don't. You used to be the captain of your own ship. The master of your own life. Everything made sense and you had your own crew. Suddenly you are all alone on a deserted island with hundreds of ships around you that you can't swim to and no one will send you a boat. Some send you a boat and in the last minute they turn around laughing at you taking pleasure in tormenting you.
These feelings that you forsake long ago came crashing like the weight of an ocean or a mountain crushing your chest. The pain manifest physically as well as spiritually. You had once been a strong proud man who knew his itinerary in life, when suddenly you find yourself adrift in a small boat with no oars in the middle of no where. The saddest truth is you can't rely on anyone to come and save you but yourself. I know you are worried, I know you are sad, I know you are not sure of anything anymore. I can feel your despair.
Remember that even heroes used to doubt themselves will living their stories. The story always sound more glorified than it really was. One day yours will be the same. You may not get the story you dream of for this is the real world not a fantasy world. But I promise you that your story is one worth living and one day you will be remembered in ways you. You will make something of your life someday and we back home will always be proud of you.
Fear not failure, for failure is the test of how strong we are to get back on our feet. So be strong and face life heads on and have faith that things will always turn for the best.
Love
Your Father.